Remembering Martha Washington
by Diana Loski
Martha Washington
(National Portrait Gallery)
As the semi-quincentennial anniversary of the birth of America approaches, there are some influential characters of the early times who remain mostly in shadow. Very little is known, or remembered, of some of these influencers of history. While the Founding Fathers are still mentioned in some detail, little is chronicled of the women who played a significant role for the erstwhile American colonies that forged a nation.
One of these is Martha Dandridge Custis Washington.
As the wife of General George Washington, she braved places with him and for him, from Valley Forge to New York and Philadelphia – and at their home in Mount Vernon. She was America’s initial First Lady, who set the pattern for those who followed. Yet, almost nothing is remembered about her, largely because she was an intensely private person, and a homebody as far as it was in her power to remain there.
As a result, there has been much conjecture about her, especially concerning her marriage to the first President, and some of it is incorrect. She was delightful, personable, hospitable, and a true American patriot – and her marriage to George Washington was a happy one that endured for forty years.
Martha Dandridge was the eldest of eight siblings born to John Dandridge, a modest tobacco farmer, and his wife, the former Frances Jones. She entered the world in Kent County, Virginia on June 2, 1731. She was petite – barely five feet tall as an adult – with hazel eyes and dark brown hair. She was pretty, pleasant, and learned from her mother how to run a household. She was affectionately known as Patsy. While not schooled (in the 18th century young ladies were usually denied an education), she nevertheless was taught by her mother to read, write, and do mathematics. It would all come in handy later in her life.1
It was not surprising in the 1700s for a woman to marry at a young age. When Patsy was seventeen, she met the immensely wealthy heir of a major tobacco planter. Daniel Parke Custis was a sought-after bachelor, and at age 36 was nearly twenty years older than Martha Dandridge. Daniel was immediately taken with the vivacious Patsy, though the courtship enraged his controlling father, John Custis. The elder Custis threatened to disinherit his son, but Daniel Custis held firm, and married the eighteen-year-old Martha on May 15, 1750. Four children were born to the couple: Daniel Jr., Frances, John, and Martha. Sadly, the two eldest died as small children. After seven years of marriage, Daniel fell ill and also died in July 1757, leaving his bereft wife with a sizable estate.2
Martha was barely 26 when she lost her husband. Yet, in the 18th century, widows and widowers were not expected to stay single; it was an oddity if they did. In the ensuing months, a wealthy widower named Charles Carter began to pursue her. He, too, was significantly older than she was. Martha hesitated, however, and the following spring, she met George Washington at the home of a mutual friend. He was quite tall, six feet three inches, over a foot taller than she was. It appears the pair immediately felt a spark, and by the summer of 1758 they were engaged. They married at the Custis estate, interestingly called the White House, near Williamsburg on January 6, 1759.3
Since Martha burned most of their personal correspondence after Washington’s death in 1799, much conjecture over the years has painted, erroneously, a loveless marriage. Some historians insist that Washington married the “dowdy” Martha just for her money. Three letters survive from George to Martha, and each begins with “My Dearest”. Those who saw them together – and they were many – commented on how happy they were in each other’s company. When she wanted her husband’s attention, she would reach up, grab the lapels of his coat, and pull him down to face her – which never ceased to amuse the otherwise stoic General Washington. He called her “my amiable consort” and “my dear Patsy”, and she dubbed him “my old man”. They spent forty years together, and they were happy years. “Mrs. Washington is a sociable, pretty kind of Woman,” one soldier said of her at Valley Forge. Another described her as “agreeable” and “lively” – not at all dowdy or cheerless.4
During the pre-Revolutionary years, Washington served in the Virginia House of Burgesses. When he was able to be at home at Mount Vernon, he planted tobacco, worked on his farm, oversaw his grist mill, and attended balls and plays during the social season. One dark time came to the Washingtons with the sudden death of Martha’s namesake daughter, Patsy, from a seizure at age seventeen, in 1773.5
During this time, dissatisfaction among the American colonists with the manner of English rule by King George III exacerbated. The Boston Massacre, the Intolerable Acts of over-taxation, the many complaints by colonists when British soldiers took over their homes to make quarters for their troops, often confiscating their goods all reached a climactic dissolution. In 1775 battles and skirmishes had become common, and in May of that year the Continental Congress convened at Philadelphia and selected Washington to command their yet-to-be-organized Continental Army. Washington, who had already acquired significant military experience during the French and Indian War, accepted. George hesitated for three days to tell Martha back at home. When he wrote to her, he explained that “I should enjoy more real happiness in one month with you at home than I have the most distant prospect of finding abroad. But,” he explained, “as it has been a kind of destiny to throw me into this service, I hope that my undertaking it is designed to answer some good purpose.”6
Martha, as always, supported him completely – even though she invariably preferred a quiet life at home, surrounded by family.
When George was with the army on campaigns, Martha remained at Mount Vernon, running the estate, and often entertaining many family members who visited frequently. Her many sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, and her last surviving son, John, often stayed there for long periods. The constant company kept Martha busy. It lessened her worries for her husband, who wrote to her often of the tribulations of his army.
During the winter of 1777-1778, the Continental Army wintered in Valley Forge, an area that was chosen because of its proximity to both Philadelphia – where the populace entertained the British for the winter, and York, where the Continental Congress remained. Washington’s men were starving, ill, and scantily clothed, perilous conditions with the onset of a brutal winter. Washington asked Martha to join him, and it is to her credit that she did.
Martha arrived at the dreary camp on February 10, 1778. With her arrival, the mood of the camp began to improve. One officer wrote, “In the midst of all our distress, there were some bright sides to the picture…Mrs. Washington had the courage to follow her husband in that dismal abode; other ladies also graced the scene…the evening was spent in conversation, over a dish of tea or coffee…Every gentleman or lady who could sing was called upon.”7
Another recorded, “I…never in my life knew a woman so busy from early morning to late at night as was Lady Washington, providing comforts for the sick soldiers…Every fair day she might be seen, with a basket in hand…going among the huts seeking the keenest and most needy sufferer, and giving them all the comforts in her power.” For the rest of their lives, the soldiers from the Valley Forge encampment, most of them young enough to be her sons, lavished praise and gratitude for her efforts.8
Martha’s presence also cheered her husband; her being at winter camp opened the way for the wives of other officers, and their company continued to improve conditions. The women sewed, mended, cooked, and made shirts for the soldiers who otherwise would have been almost naked from the terrible wear upon their scanty clothing.
The war continued until the Americans secured The Treaty of Paris with the British in 1783. Until that time, Martha spent every winter in camp with her husband.
Another sad occurrence marred the otherwise promising future of the Washingtons in 1781. George had managed to obtain a brief leave to return home to Mount Vernon in September. Martha’s son, Jack, age 26, loved George like a father, and requested to return with the general to the front. Shortly after the siege of Yorktown, he fell ill with camp fever, and died. It was a devastating blow to Martha – as Jack was the last of her surviving children. Jack’s widow, with four children, was unable to care for all of them, so Martha took the two youngest, Eleanor (Nelly) age 10, and George Washington Parke Custis (Gus), age 8, and raised them as her own.9
After the war had ended and the new government was about to embark, Martha, who loved being at home surrounded by family and friends, hoped her husband might finally retire. He was fifty-seven – and that was considered old in the 18th century. He, too, wanted to return to farming.
Destiny, though, had other plans.
For several years, the new nation endured a hiatus as leaders argued over the type of government that they should enact. In the summer of 1787, Washington was asked to preside over the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia. It was a process that took many months. While the new Constitution was in the process of ratification, a President was needed to head the new country. Though Washington wanted to retire from public life – as did Martha – he was chosen unanimously to become America’s first President. He took the oath of office in New York City on April 30, 1789.10
New York was quite a journey from the Potomac, especially in the late 18th century. Good roads were still almost non-existent, and for those who needed to travel by carriage, the journey was arduous. Martha was not present at her husband’s inauguration. She was busy at Mount Vernon, packing for New York and preparing the house for her absence. She finally set off for New York City on May 16, 1789, with her two grandchildren, a nephew who acted as chaperone, and several relatives. She traveled to Baltimore, then Philadelphia, then New Jersey, crossing rivers and bays on ferries as well as lumbering over the poor excuses for roads. Wherever she stopped, she was greeted by cheering crowds. One who witnessed the accolades in her honor remarked that Mrs. Washington “had the classical appearance of a Roman matron.” At nearly 58 years of age, Martha’s hair had grown completely white. She never wore a wig, and usually dressed in white muslin, with her hair crowned by a white cap. With every stop the crowd cheered, “God bless Lady Washington!”11
Martha found the official President’s home on Cherry Street in New York City acceptable. She hosted tea parties every Friday, and official dinners at 4 p.m. every Thursday. She found a school for her grandchildren, and often discussed politics with her husband. She remained discreet with any information she learned. She became friends with Abigail Adams, the wife of the Vice President. She disliked Thomas Jefferson. When George’s second term found them in Philadelphia, she preferred that city – as she was more familiar with it.12
By the time George Washington finished his second term in 1797, he was determined to return home. Martha, too, was relieved. As First Lady she said, “I live a very dull life here…There is [sic] certain bounds set for me which I cannot depart from.” At home, Martha Washington would be free to do as she wished; at age 65 it was long overdue.13
The Washingtons had two more years together at Mount Vernon, where they entertained and hosted countless visitors, including family, cherished friends, and veteran soldiers who often came to pay their respects.
On December 12, 1799, General Washington rode out to survey his lands. The day was cold, and soon it began to snow, followed by a cold, penetrating rain. He “never regarded the weather”, and returned covered in snow, and with a cold. It soon worsened into a virulent throat infection, which proved fatal. Martha never left his side during this last illness. On December 14, near midnight, Washington said, “I feel myself going…let me go quietly.” Dr. Craik, the family physician, Tobias Lear, Washington’s secretary, and Martha were by his side. When Lear checked for a pulse, Martha quietly asked, “Is he gone?”14
Sadly, he was.
After her husband’s passing, Martha Washington was never the same. She spent the next two years of her life settling her own affairs, and even selected the gown she wished to wear at her funeral. She died on May 22, 1802, just days shy of her 71st birthday. Her obituary stated “She was the worthy partner of the worthiest of men.”15
Martha Washington was the template of what a First Lady should be, and what an American woman was. While still a mystery on many levels, when she emerges from the shadows, she is seen as someone worth remembering – as she should be.
Sources: Anthony, Carl Sferrazza. First Ladies: The Saga of the Presidents’ Wives and Their Power: 1789-1961. New York: William Morrow, 1990. Brady, Patricia. Martha Washington: An American Life. New York: Penguin Books, 2005. Boyle, Joseph Lee. Writings from the Valley Forge Encampment of the Continental Army, Dec. 19, 1777-June 19, 1778. Vol. 1. Bowie, MD: Heritage Books, Inc., 2000. Flexner, James Thomas. Washington: The Indispensable Man. New York: Penguin Books, 1984. Parry, Jay A. and Andrew M. Allison. The Real George Washington. Washington, D.C.: National Center for Constitutional Studies, 1991.
End Notes:
1. Brady, pp. 20-21, 27.
2. Ibid, pp. 50-53.
3. Parry, pp. 69-70.
4. Brady, p. 114. Boyle, p. 31. While George had been infatuated in his youth with the lovely Sally Fairfax – who with her husband had helped mentor him – he clearly loved Martha. Martha, too, had been enamored of another before she met George: her first husband, Daniel. Any conjecture that the pair had a loveless union is simply incorrect.
5. Flexner, pp. 40-41, Brady, p. 233.
6. Flexner, p. 60.
7. Brady, p. 117.
8. Parry, p. 272.
9. Brady, p. 130.
10. Anthony, p. 35.
11. Ibid., p. 40.
12. Brady, p. 194.
13. Flexner p. 222.
14. Ibid, p. 405.
15. Brady, p. 229.
Author’s Note: Slavery was part of 18th century life of the Virginia gentry, and Martha grew up with the institution. While her husband, George, was distressed at what he considered the hypocrisy of owning slaves, Martha did not share those feelings as she had been part of that world from infancy. At George’s death, however, she did free her husband’s slaves, according to his wishes.
