February Face

Most of us make New Year’s resolutions, only to break them most of the time. Hopefully, this year we can make progress with healthier food consumption, more patience with those irksome drivers we always seem to be around, and ramp up our exercise.

I have a suggestion for another resolution: We could implement better speech practices.

Are you sometimes appalled at the language heard around town, in films and television, and in books? We are and we empathize with anyone who is equally shocked and disheartened. A few years ago, I received a novel for a Christmas gift – written by an author I had not heard of. On a trip a few weeks later, I decided to read it on the plane. After one chapter I had to close that book and throw it away, because the language was so foul and obscene that it was painful to see those words. For the rest of the two-hour plane trip, I sat there with nothing to read. And I didn’t like that. It’s getting more difficult to choose books and programs because the language is so awful.

Some of our most renowned Civil War generals were great cursers. Generals Winfield Scott Hancock, Gouverneur K. Warren, and Samuel K. Zook on the Union side were famous for their colorful language when angered. While Robert E. Lee rarely swore, he did have a temper – he just learned how to control it.

There is a reason that people use foul and vulgar language – in addition to it just being a habit or they grew up around others using the same type of conversation. There is, apparently, a relief people feel after cursing and swearing. It’s called lalochezia, a noun derived from the Greek words lalia (speech) and chezo (to feel relieved). Simply put, the word means that cursing immediately relieves stress or emotional tension. 

We must have millions of stressed-out people in the world.

I was in a store on Labor Day. Since there was no school that day, there was a family with children near me in one of the aisles. One of the older siblings was taunting a younger one. I was shocked at the outburst of the littlest child – who couldn’t have been more than five years old. I won’t repeat what he said, but it was so obscene that I was physically startled. The mother of the crew noticed me jump slightly and our eyes met. She gave me a glacial stare, as if to say, “What’s the big deal?” I just moved on, and quickly.

I still cringe when I think of hearing that sweet little voice saying such a terrible word. 

Thankfully, most do feel ashamed after coarse and crude language outbursts, after that initial relief from swearing. I find that filling that space formerly used by those words with other, equally satisfying words is extremely helpful.

One of our grandsons was taught early in his formative years that the word “stupid” was a bad word. While it is not considered vulgar or cursing, it can be rude. I never realized I used that word, but I did sometimes (usually describing myself or a frustrating situation), and he made sure I knew that saying it wasn’t acceptable. (There’s nothing like being reprimanded by a four-year-old.) So, I swapped it for a phrase of my own: I use the term “with sub-par intelligence” now. It is essentially the same description – good for inanimate objects as well as animated ones. It’s one of my go-to phrases, and it works. I no longer receive recriminations from the grandkids.

Shakespeare was a genius with words, especially those that could be explained as insults – but they are so clever and unusual that it isn’t offensive in the same way the usual vulgarities are. Some of his descriptions are classic, and better than any four-letter words for any issues with lalochezia. Here are some of his inventions: fool-born, canker blossom, lewdster, dread-bolted, earth-vexing, ill-nurtured, venomed, dismal dreaming, idle-headed, reeky, rump-fed, bat-fowling, and beetle-headed. Another great one is from Much Ado About Nothing: “You have a February face” – meaning a cold and frosty, stormy countenance. When someone is unpleasant, you could think to yourself “There’s a February face.” It’s better than expletives – especially if others are around, including children.

You can make up your own alternative words and phrases, too. Think of another, more scholarly description of a situation that is vexing or disagreeable, and use it. The possibilities are endless.

It’s a good idea to think up the replacement word or phrase before the stress or frustration mounts, lest we encounter our own February faces in the mirror.

New Year’s resolutions are often broken, but don’t give up – whatever the resolve is for you. Great changes come with those small daily attempts, and often after many failed ones.

Lalochezia – there truly is a word for everything!

Pass it along.